A brief history of time. Very brief. I'm talking the last year kind of brief.

Time. It's a funny thing isn't it.

Sigh. Yes, this is about to get heavy.

What is it with the minutes, hours, days, week, months that gives them the right to just carrying on passing without making sure that I'm getting stuff done. I think the general consensus is that time is much less tolerant of writers. Even now as I sit here I am certain that time I am moving in slow-mo as the world around me speeds through seconds and minutes like Alanis Morissette in the video to 'Thank You' except with more clothes on. 

It's sort of the opposite effect that Hammy gets in Over the Hedge after he drinks an energy drink:

The last year in particular has been one massive, wonderful, exhausting, enlightening, terrible and terrific blur and I'm sad that it's over.  I feel like I've travelled so far in such a short space of time and as things begin to slow and I reflect back on a year that has given me so much hope in my career and life in general,  let's hope I'm not stood still for too long, because it's chilly up north. Especially when you cant afford pyjamas like our Alanis. 

I better pass this bloody MA now, or I will be deleting this and all similarly upbeat (yes upbeat!) posts.

Oh and seen as we're reflecting on the past, if you would like to have a look at some of my earlier snippets of writing in the form of film reviews, here are a few links.

The Wrestler
Slumdog Millionaire
Notorious

The END. For NOW... 

Don't Feed the Animals

The Zoo. It's an odd place isn't it, where children try to poke fingers through the lion cages and scuffle to get a glimpse through the glass at empty reptile tanks.

But what if we saw the world through the eyes of the animals staring back at us? 

The pilot episode of Don't Feed the Animals introduces us to three different perspectives of life in Durnovaria Zoo on the day of its relaunch.

Meet Winston, a self-confessed thesp and luvvie chameleon as he battles to keep his colour long enough to show his not-so adoring public what he's made of; Gertrude, counsellor and all round hypochondriac warthog who reluctantly resides in the petting zoo; And Chanelle and Rodney, a couple of pandas going through the motions as we delve deeper into their relationship problems.     

The radio play was produced and conceived by Mog McIntyre and written by myself, Rick Maughan and Graeme Comrie and can be found here.

Happy listening!

Evidence-Interactive: The radio play what I wrote.

Well after much hard work from my partner in crime, Lorenza Samuels, the Evidence-Interactive website is up and running.

So if you would like to while away an hour or two investigating the disappearance of Emily Simons, click on the link below to take a look at the evidence table and solve the crime.

http://evidence-interactive.co.uk/

Or you can listen to the radio play in full by clicking on the bottom centre notice on the home page.

Enjoy!

'It's time's like these..'

Well the MA is drawing to a close and my major is fast approaching. Without any idea of what to write, one thing I know is that if it doesn't make people laugh even just a little bit, I'll be disappointed.

At the moment, I'm working on a 30 minute radio drama and even though I know it's supposed to be a really serious radio drama, I can't resist putting (and later deleting) the odd line of comedy to break the tension. I just can't help it and I think that often even in the most dramatic situations there is always a little bit of comedy to be found. It's what makes us human.

The moment in my life that symbolises this most is the point of complete heartbreak in my family, when my grandfather died suddenly. He was and is absolutely beloved by every member of my family. A lovely warm, funny and downright silly Grandad who spoiled his grand-daughters with fruit pastilles, mint imperials, Cadbury's Chocolate Eclairs and the odd trip to Blackpool or Lytham, St Annes. At his funeral we laid roses into his grave. They were yellow, his favourite colour, defining his bright, warm character so well. My mother, tearful herself and in an attempt to comfort her sobbing daughters tried to put her arm's around us all. And it was then that she uttered the words that have haunted her ever since: 'It's time's like these I wish I was an octopus.' And just like that the tears of sorrow turned to a mixture of laughter and love as the sun shone through the trees and we all wished Grandad was there to laugh with us.

It's his birthday today, he would've been 79. And even though I'll never hear him tell another joke or get him to pull his false teeth out before getting shouted at, I'll always remember the importance of comedy because inevitably, where you find laughter you also find love.

I guess now it's time that you came back for good

Well it's been a while hasn't it. And no excuses this time, well except one. I've just completed a module of my MA called 'Cross-platform' practice where the brief was working in a group to create a cross-platform product for kids. Part of this also involved writing a blog, and while I was busy scribbling down every little detail of the last six weeks, I neglected you. My first, my last, my everything...

If you're having problem sleeping and would like to take a look at my project blog (warts and all), it can be found here:

http://cmbrockbankxplatform.blogspot.com/

I can't say I'm not relieved that it's over and done with, but it has been an experience. I think the most valuable thing I can take away from it has been working with people that I'd never even talked to before, even dare I say it, building friendships. Of course I didn't get on amazingly with everyone but the people with who I most certainly did, made up for it. It was also interesting being involved in other disciplines, things I'd never even considered being a part of. And I found out that actually I'm not half bad at some other stuff... and some things I'm appalling at. Acting for instance (videos not to follow) was something I realised, despite my desire to be the next Helen Mirren, should be left to the professionals.

But the thing I realised most, after six weeks of being away, the written word is my bff and it's been too long.

But honey I'm home and I've missed you.

'Ideas are Hard' (Brockbank, 2010)

If there's one thing I've learnt from pursuing a career in writing it's that a good idea is half the battle. If you don't have something in your head that you actually care about and want to see where it will go, you might as well stop staring at a blank screen and give up. Because it's certainly not going to come that way.

Well this is my experience anyway. I'm not sure whether this is particular just to me but I usually find that once I have an idea mapped out in my head and the first few lines of a script written on the page the rest is easy. Well no, not easy. But easier. The first few lines and the commitment to the chosen story is just the encouragement needed. There will be plot changes, name changes and countless rewrites. But the very essence, the bare bones of what will one day be deemed good enough to be referred to as the final draft is there. And that always feel nice.

At the moment, I'm onto my third draft of a 20 minute comedy screenplay I am writing as part of my MA. The majority of the script uses inner monologue which I have used before but never to this extent. I would be lying if I said it wasn't a challenge. But what has shocked me about this script is the realisation that the rewriting and reworking that I often found extremely tedious is fast becoming my favourite part of the process as I fiddle and tweak changes that however insignificant always seem to make rather more of a dramatic change than I expected. Perhaps it's because in the past I was ignorant enough to think that the editing, re-writing and different drafts were not necessary. Looking back on the atrocities to English Language committed in my name, they most certainly were. How very silly of me. Will try Harder.

"The Hibernator"

Well it feels like only yesterday I was wishing you all a Merry Christmas and predicting a Happy New Year. And now its February. Already. But.... I meant to mention that during Christmas I tend to eat a couple of months worth of food in order to spend January and February sleeping it off. Yep, that's right I'm a Hibernator (It's like being The Terminator only more docile). So that's my excuse. And it's true. Honest.

Ok... so it's not true. But technically, it's not that far off. I mean it's not like I've spent the last month partying, socialising and generally living up to my reputation as a student. My days and nights have been spent mainly in one of three situations:

1. Eating,
2. Sleeping,
3. Sitting in front of keyboard and a blank screen

Poor girl, I hear you cry.

Fear not reader, it's not all bad.

Because all three of these tasks require me to stay stuck in the house, I'm finding more and more that I am succumbing to the reclusive and introverted condition that often affects writers. Not that I've ever been an extrovert, but more and more I feel able to communicate the world through words without being comfortable in it.

Hmm. Still sounds depressing, let me elaborate.

I say it's not all bad because, whilst it sounds I'm on the brink of depression, these thoughts and feelings actually enabled me to devise a short film script which is currently in production about a woman suffering from Agoraphobia (a fear of open spaces and the outside world). Writing it was too easy, when normally writing a script feels like gnawing a limb of with your milk teeth; a long and agonizing process. But I sort of understood my main character and she is definitely a part of me. I felt lonely with her but wondered how many other people have those days when they feel the outside world is just too scary, too tiring, too difficult or too stressful to have to bother with.

And writing about her, somehow was therapeutic. Because I knew she felt that way, it made me feel normal. I realise that talking about a fictional character this way probably makes anyone reading this think I'm anything but normal. And you're probably right. Normality is alien. But who wants to be normal anyways?

You Can't Stop the Beat

Something occurred to me. No actually a few things occurred to me whilst I was stood in the kitchen, cooking, washing up, hanging out the washing and singing along to my favourite songs from the motion picture soundtrack to hairspray:

1)Women are good at multi-tasking.
1a)Men probably are but have never thought to try
1b)For some reason, I'm in a very sexist mood.

2)Germaine Greer would be disappointed at my domesticity.

3)Snow White is probably rolling in her grave at the sight of me.

4)You can't please anyone most of the time.

And most importantly

5)World leaders and people on suicide watch should be made to watch musicals, Thus bringing about world peace and showing people who are at the end of their tether that a good old song and dance will probably make things better... Unless you're watching Lars Von Trier's Dancer in the Dark. Don't do it.

In other news, I have decided that with no musical experience whatsoever and a disregard for rhythm, I, Christiana Brockbank vow that I will one day write a feature film of the musical genre. It may not be The Wizard of Oz, it may not even be the horror hybrid that is Grease, but it will be mine. And on the off chance it is bearable, I can die happy. And even if it's not, at least I will have made them laugh....

I'll leave you with a very memorable moment from Singin' in the Rain. Should be 'Make Em Laugh,' but this bit's even better. Just watch those feet go.

Take it away boys...

Ping!

I wonder. Has anyone made a program that does a little 'ping' in the style of an old fashioned type writer when you write a certain amount of words on the computer? I don't know if it's just me but there's definitely something about that little 'ping' that you get after a completed sentence on the typewriter that I find really satisfying. It's a little bit like the typewriter's saying,

'Oh well done you, that one was tough but you made it. Why not write
another?'

Oh ok then, I think I might. Thanks typewriter, you're my bestest friend.

I think I may have just cured writer's block for the 21st Century. 'Ping!'

Room 101

In life, don't you find there are certain phrases and words that irritate you so much you want to throw a large text edition of the urban dictionary at the perpetrator of these crimes against the English Language?

No, well you're obviously the moron sprouting all these empty sentiments.

Shame on you!

There will therefore be a ban on certain words and phrases on this blog. This list is not exhaustive and will get bigger.

Suggestions welcome to the Room 101 of English Language:

Awesome

(unless actually referring to the true definition of the word i.e. Something which gives one a sense of awe.)

Chillax

Possibly the wankiest of terms, neither making you want to chill or relax. Just punch someone in the face.

Good times/Bad times

Popularised by Justin Collins and used every tom, dick and harry with really nothing better to add to the conversation. In short hand, verbal diarrhoea.

Omg!

If you're 15, American, blonde and just walked off the set of Wild Child the use of this term is vaguely acceptable. BUT only because its expected, all the rest of you should know better.

Hun

Originally the title of Attila the, this word has been adopted as the shortened version of the affectionate term honey. Always to be spoken in a sickly, patronising tone. Reason for spelling is not clear, may be linked to evaporation of gene pools.

Redonkulous

Another annoying phrase from another annoying television star. This time Seth Cohen from The O.C helped get this gem into the urban dictionary. User's beware, if it sounded geeky when he said it, just imagine what it sound's like when you say it.

FYI

Is the world really that we need to use acronyms for phrases that you don't really need in the first place. I'm almost tempted to say it's Redonkulous, but I won't.

I could really go on forever, its surprising how many stupid things people say, but I'm bored now.

So FYI hun, I'm gonna chillax for a bit. You guys have been awesome, OMG! Good times

See that's what you sound like.

Hurrah she speaks!

Well here it is, the first blog entry from yours truly. Eagerly awaited it may not be, but definitely outrageous in content. Alright, maybe not. But you don't have to go just yet do you? Take a look around, there's not much here yet but I'm pretty sure there's going to be some pretty amazing posts. Some might even call them life-changing. Some might liken them to the works of great authors and poets. Some might be heavily medicated. But hey, an audience is an audience! Let the games begin.