Saturday, 28 November 2009

Oh, Gavin and Stacey's back on. Tidy.

The third and final series of Gavin and Stacey started this week, and it did not disappoint.

The first episode was full of ridiculously funny and embarrassingly familiar moments that make the series such a joy to watch. It may be regarded as fluffy and sentimental, and it might not be as racey as say Channel 4's experimental stuff, but who cares. It's well written, funny and full of odd but lovable characters.

Although the title suggests that Gavin and Stacey are the main characters in the sitcom, they're the least interesting. There's no 'Will they? Wont they?' keeping you hooked with these two and even when they break-up you always know a reconciliation is on the cards. For me, the real stars of the show are the proriferal characters. Characters like Bryn (Rob Brydon), Pam (Alison Steadman) and Doris (Margaret John) who aren't always central to the storyline, but certainly steal the show.

But don't take my word for it. If you missed it you can catch-up by watching on iplayer.

And here's a little taster to get you in the mood.

By far the funniest moment of this week's episode:

The new series of Gavin and Stacey is on Thursdays at 9pm on BBC1.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Just when you think British TV couldn't get more cringe-worthy.

Shirley, Shirley, Shirley.

Ahem, Dame Shirley that is.

There I was sat watching Children in Need Charity Concert, (you know that charity TV event that people switch off when they realise it's not Comic Relief, it's that other s*** one) and who should come on stage but Shirley Bassey.

Great, I thought. Looking forward to a bit of Goldfinger, maybe some Diamonds are Forever. And sure enough she starts singing Diamonds. So naturally I start singing along doing my best Shirley. And I gets to thinking, wouldn't it be great if Kanye made a guest appearance and performs the popular remix with her right honorable self.

No, don't be silly, not for Children in Need. Comic Relief would be able to make it happen, but let's not build ourselves up for disappointment. And then who should enter stage left. No surely not, it can't be, it is...

No it isn't.

It's Dizzee Rascal, probably the UK's equivalent of Kanye West. A depressing fact in itself. And did no-one think to tell him, 'erm Mr Rascal, I think this has done before...' And it actually sounded good, and had a point.

And just when you think it couldn't get any worse, The Dame starts cutting a rug. And not in a Madonna 'hey, she's still got it' way. But in a 'oh god gran's worked out the combination key code for the drinks cabinet,' sort of way.

Do my eyes deceive me, is that man playing the violin having a good old giggle. Yes he is. And who can blame him. I know I am.

Then Snow Patrol come on to the stage and introduce their duet, saying something along the lines of 'We've got a very special guest here tonight, you've already heard her sing tonight,' so you think okay the dame's back for round two.

So I pick up the phone.

Quite impressive really, after only just being on stage.

And then I memorise the number.

But you think, well she's a pro, naturally she'd be asked back for more.

Credit Card at the ready.

'Ladies and Gentlemen... Cheryl Cole.'

Maybe I'll ring later.

And just in case you missed, watch Dame Shirley and Dizzee getting on the good foot and doing the bad thing... well not exactly but you get what I mean.

The footage is actually from someone in the audience, so you can't see the violinist.. so if you're curious I suggest watching this clip whilst looking in a mirror. Imagine you have a violin and that's pretty much what he looks like.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

You Can't Stop the Beat

Something occurred to me. No actually a few things occurred to me whilst I was stood in the kitchen, cooking, washing up, hanging out the washing and singing along to my favourite songs from the motion picture soundtrack to hairspray:

1)Women are good at multi-tasking.
1a)Men probably are but have never thought to try
1b)For some reason, I'm in a very sexist mood.

2)Germaine Greer would be disappointed at my domesticity.

3)Snow White is probably rolling in her grave at the sight of me.

4)You can't please anyone most of the time.

And most importantly

5)World leaders and people on suicide watch should be made to watch musicals, Thus bringing about world peace and showing people who are at the end of their tether that a good old song and dance will probably make things better... Unless you're watching Lars Von Trier's Dancer in the Dark. Don't do it.

In other news, I have decided that with no musical experience whatsoever and a disregard for rhythm, I, Christiana Brockbank vow that I will one day write a feature film of the musical genre. It may not be The Wizard of Oz, it may not even be the horror hybrid that is Grease, but it will be mine. And on the off chance it is bearable, I can die happy. And even if it's not, at least I will have made them laugh....

I'll leave you with a very memorable moment from Singin' in the Rain. Should be 'Make Em Laugh,' but this bit's even better. Just watch those feet go.

Take it away boys...

Sunday, 15 November 2009

I'm a COD widow: facebook group

No this is not a group for women who have lost their loved ones through deep sea fishing.

Although it's actually just as tragic.

The hi-larious term COD widow has been adopted by women suffering through their other half's obsession to with the new Call of Duty game Modern Warfare 2.

Why not just cut to the chase and become a COD divorcee. It's much more realistic.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Merry November!

Well it's that time of the year again. Every single shop in town is desperate to tell you how disorganised you are and how Christmas is just around the corner. The Christmas lights are up and everyone keeps saying 'hasn't this year gone quick.'

Well it's not over yet actually and I'm determined not to get too stressed/excited just yet. And here's why..

Because it ruins it.

Every year I go with the flow, starting conversations with people in shops about how I cant believe there's only just over a month to go. Then I start panicking about buying just the right presents for everyone. And then I decide it's not too early to watch Muppet's Christmas carol just to make sure I reach my quota of watching it at least 4 times before the big day.

And at this very moment I'm watching the over-long Christmas M&S advert with more toffee-nosed celebs than you can shake your zimmerframe at. It's a desperate attempt to make you think that you're not good enough to shop there, but if you do you will be. Sadly it works. Mince pies taste so much better when endorsed by Stephen Fry sprouting cheesy innuendo (Perhaps he should see a doctor about that).

It's all a vicious cycle really until you get to about the week before Christmas and decide that you really wish it was all over and done with. So then you have to go through it with gritted teeth when you'd really just rather curl up into a ball until the whole ordeal is over and done with. This happens without fail every year but this time I'm going to learn from my mistakes.

But it didn't used to be like this. Adulthood has taken a good intentioned celebration and turned it into a marketing strategy that makes everyone feel like crap.

Remember when you were little and you just used to sit there being fed an alternating diet of chocolate and turkey until the occassional present was thrown at you. The year I got a bike was particularly memorable for that reason.

Everywhere shops and advertisements are trying to get you to panic about every little last detail, stuff that makes you forget the most important part about Christmas.

No not baby Jesus (he's had enough wild parties to last him an eternity).


with family and friends and maybe some new people too. Because nobody cares if you forget to buy the stuffing, little timmy really doesn't need another selection box, and that person you got for secret santa doesn't really care what you get them. Just relax and enjoy November, It's such a neglected month.

Friday, 13 November 2009


I wonder. Has anyone made a program that does a little 'ping' in the style of an old fashioned type writer when you write a certain amount of words on the computer? I don't know if it's just me but there's definitely something about that little 'ping' that you get after a completed sentence on the typewriter that I find really satisfying. It's a little bit like the typewriter's saying,

'Oh well done you, that one was tough but you made it. Why not write

Oh ok then, I think I might. Thanks typewriter, you're my bestest friend.

I think I may have just cured writer's block for the 21st Century. 'Ping!'

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Room 101

In life, don't you find there are certain phrases and words that irritate you so much you want to throw a large text edition of the urban dictionary at the perpetrator of these crimes against the English Language?

No, well you're obviously the moron sprouting all these empty sentiments.

Shame on you!

There will therefore be a ban on certain words and phrases on this blog. This list is not exhaustive and will get bigger.

Suggestions welcome to the Room 101 of English Language:

(unless actually referring to the true definition of the word i.e. Something which gives one a sense of awe.)

Possibly the wankiest of terms, neither making you want to chill or relax. Just punch someone in the face.

Good times/Bad times
Popularised by Justin Collins and used every tom, dick and harry with really nothing better to add to the conversation. In short hand, verbal diarrhoea.

If you're 15, American, blonde and just walked off the set of Wild Child the use of this term is vaguely acceptable. BUT only because its expected, all the rest of you should know better.

Originally the title of Attila the, this word has been adopted as the shortened version of the affectionate term honey. Always to be spoken in a sickly, patronising tone. Reason for spelling is not clear, may be linked to evaporation of gene pools.

Another annoying phrase from another annoying television star. This time Seth Cohen from The O.C helped get this gem into the urban dictionary. User's beware, if it sounded geeky when he said it, just imagine what it sound's like when you say it.

Is the world really that we need to use acronyms for phrases that you don't really need in the first place. I'm almost tempted to say it's Redonkulous, but I won't.

I could really go on forever, its surprising how many stupid things people say, but I'm bored now.

So FYI hun, I'm gonna chillax for a bit. You guys have been awesome, OMG! Good times

See that's what you sound like.

Hurrah she speaks!

Well here it is, the first blog entry from yours truly. Eagerly awaited it may not be, but definitely outrageous in content. Alright, maybe not. But you don't have to go just yet do you? Take a look around, there's not much here yet but I'm pretty sure there's going to be some pretty amazing posts. Some might even call them life-changing. Some might liken them to the works of great authors and poets. Some might be heavily medicated. But hey, an audience is an audience! Let the games begin.